joy loverde
Joy Loverde

Path Carver.
Keynote Speaker.
Best-selling Author.

Solo Aging ♦ Caregiving ♦ Aging Parents

Caring for Aging Parents? Here’s a family caregiver tip you’ll want to use right away.

It’s so subtle you may not even realize that it’s happening.

Your sister asks, “How is Mom feeling after her surgery?” Your son wants to know, “How is Dad doing?” You mother inquires, “Is your daughter enjoying her new job?”  And just like that you are right in the middle of two other relationships.

You might be thinking what’s the harm in this? For one thing, the more you allow others to make you the spokesperson for your family member’s comings and goings, the less work they have to do to stay in touch with each other. Plus, you have no idea of how much time and energy this is costing YOU.

You have enough on your plate and adding the process of talking about people and their feelings and situations that are not directly related to you is tiring.

Stop the madness and start influencing family members to speak with each other directly. Here is an example of what you can say:

Sister: “How’s Dad feeling?”

You: “I really can’t answer for Dad. Why don’t you ask him yourself and give him a call?”


Mom: “I haven’t heard from Bonnie lately. Is she okay?

You: “That’s a great question, Mom. Why don’t you give her a call?”


You are not in charge of other people’s relationships. That’s not a role you need to take on. The more you can encourage people to speak directly with each other, the better it is for everyone involved.